Ray Hopewood 2008

The true meaning of Christmas

Christmas was very good to Ray Hopewood. But then again, every day is good when you’re Ray Hopewood.

At this time of the year, it’s important to take a step back from the rat race of politics and look at the things that really matter in the world – and those things are “money.” Oh, and dollars, because money and dollars together are “things” that matter, not “thing” – don’t talk to Ray Hopewood about grammar, I know my plurals.

Now some people think that the Holiday Season is about family. It is; it’s about what you can buy for your family. When you make the kind of money that I make, you can buy a lot, let me tell you. So to all of my loyal Hopewood Technologies customers, my son wants to thank you for the Lamborghini (he’s only 13, but I bought him two so he can practice and wreck one) and ex-Mrs. Hopewood #1 wants to thank you for that South Pacific island I got her. Haven’t heard from Ex-Mrs. Hopewoods 2-4, but I’m sure they’re enjoying their new G4s. Long as they don’t fly in for a visit then Christmas Rev.07 will be a huge success!

My Presidential rivals are all “back from Christmas break” and on the campaign trail. This is funny. They don’t know the secret to success, and that secret is “take time off.” Like my enterprise software company – I gave the support staff three weeks off for the Holidays. I outsource support to Kazakhstan, and while I’m not sure they actually celebrate Christmas because none of them speak English, they sure do enjoy those three weeks tending goats or whatever they do. Either way the customers will get by. It’s what Papa Hopewood called “tough love.” Creates self reliance! Like learning to swim – Papa took all us Hopewood kids over to the deep end of the lake and with one push we were swimming. Except Suzie, but that’s another story … Trust me, by the time my support staff (all four of them) get back from vacation, the customers will be ready to buy any upgrade we put in front of them. And that’s the kind of Christmas present that Ray Hopewood really loves. Keep your Partridge in a Pear Tree, I’ll take Upgrades! Five Golden rings aren’t bad …

So Ron, Hillary, Barak, Rudy, Mitt and Mike are out there busting their buns. Not Ray Hopewood! How silly. If I did that, I’d have to  listen to voters, which makes about as much sense as listening to customers. I know what they all want – why confuse the issue with the opinions of a few loud mouthed malcontents? I’m spending the next few weeks being productive! Working on my Facebook Page with my new campaign managers, Vanessa Hudgens and Fred Thompson (let’s face it, they both need new jobs). They are also working on getting me a date with Carla Bruni – why should that French President Sarkozy have all the fun? You got to have priorities! Besides, I don’t see why if you’re "running" for President you can’t walk a little too?

Tags: Barak Obama, Carla Bruni, Christmas, Fred Thompson, hillary clinton, Kazakhstan Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Ray Hopewood, Rudy Giuliani, Sarkozy, Vanessa Hudgens