Ray Hopewood 2008

Hopewood gains ESAPAC Endorsement

The  Enterprise Software Alliance Political Action Committee, whose members include Microsoft, Symantac and McAfee, announced today their endorsement of Ray Hopewood for president. The announcement comes at a time when the race is tightening up only a week before the caucus.

Ray Hopewood is All Energy

By J. Rarvel of the Hopewood Campaign Staff

The news media, in their usual manner, have been spinning this video clip of my boss and good friend Ray Hopewood in unseemly ways—saying that Ray Hopewood is focused only on profit.

It is a clip from an event for the software company Ray Hopewood runs and that bears his name—Hopewood Technologies.

I say it is this undeniable energy and passion that this country needs. See for yourself right here.

“What You Call Jehova, I Just Call Benjamin”: Hopewood Defends his Religion

By J. Rarvel, Hopewood Campaign Staff

Today Ray Hopewood took time out of his fundraising schedule to finally address concerns surrounding his faith. Throughout the campaign, Hopewood has not shied away from evoking his religion, dodging the advice of many political consultants who say his beliefs are too esoteric to be embraced by the American public. Hopewood finally put questions surrounding his faith to rest today by speaking at a Houston’s Steakhouse in San Francisco

Excerpts from his speech follow.

“My fellow God-fearing Americans, there is not but one door into the Kingdom of Heaven, What you call Yahweh or Jehova, or, perhaps even Allah, I just call Benjamin.

Money, my religion, has aided my actions and informed my decisions, much in the same way as it has yours.

Above all, my religion provides me moral guidance. Without Money showing me the way, I would have been stuck in the bushes of despair. Perhaps I would have been working for Peace Corps, or maybe wasting time in the armed forces.  I certainly wouldn’t be standing here today as a hyper-successful software tycoon who will be your next president.

“Center to this belief is the Hopewood Technologies software. It has showed me, and many others, the way to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. Never has this been more true than with, our most recent upgrade

of our Hopestar security platform, Hopestar 8.

“I hope we can finally put these questions aside, and focus on the grander issues facing our country today. And know that, it is only with the aid of my good Lord, that I will be elected to serve you.”

Green Candidate Hopewood Offers to Recycle Money Being Returned to Norman Hsu

Ray Hopewood, continuing in his tradition of being the green candidate is officially offering to recycle the cash that his competitors are returning to the fundraiser and international man of mystery. “Giving back money? That’s nuts!” exclaimed Hopewood. “Like
Denny’s, the Hopewood campaign never closes, and if Mr. Hsu can’t reach
my finance committee during office hours, they know how to reach me.” Hopewood continued: “I just hate to see perfectly
good money go to waste.”  Posted by J. Rarvel, Hopewood Campaign Staff

Condolences to Mitt Romney and Family on Laptop Loss

Mr. Hopewood would like to express sadness today, and send his wishes to Mitt Romney and his family on the loss of the Romney laptops. The laptops were stolen from Mr. Romney’s campaign offices. Mr. Hopewood, his family, and entire campaign staff, and all Americans wish the Romney organization a speedy recovery from this terrible situation.

Ray Hopewood Congratulates His Daughter: Miss Teen South Carolina

Ray Hopewood would like to extend his congratulations to his daughter (with his third wife Candy) who has been named Miss Teen South Carolina.

Here is a recent video clip of the lovely and talented future First Daughter. In addition, Ray Hopewood pledges free maps for every American child.

Help Ray Hopewood Choose His Campaign Song

My Fellow Americans — and you are my Fellow Americans ….

Ask not what you can do for your country, but rather ask a more important question: what song shall be the offical Ray Hopewood 2008 campaign song?

The campaign is accepting nominations now. To nominate a song, simply leave a comment. Ray and the staff will put our favorites up for a vote later in the race.

For now… here are a few songs that we like just to get the nomination process started. They are:

• "Money, Money, Money" by ABBA
• "Money Talks" by AC/DC
• "Take the Money and Run" by the Steve Miller Band and
• "Money for Nothing" (Ray’s current favorite — he just loves the title and the very concept) by Dire Straits.

Listen to Ray’s Favorite Nominated Songs on "Radio Ray"

Live Well Wristbands Coming Soon

Ray Hopewood lives well. Vote Ray Hopewood and all Americans will have a president who lives well. And that is good for morale. To keep us all going until election day the campaign has commissioned Live Well wrist bands. Coming Soon.

Paris, Ray Hopewood’s Company Manufacturered Your Ankle Bracelet Software

Dear Paris, congratulations to you and your family on your release from prison — from the entire Ray Hopewood campaign.

You should never have been imprisoned in such a harsh and unfair manner. Prison just simply wasn’t designed for people like you.

Now… your luck just got even better. Ray Hopewood’s company manufactured the software for the ankle bracelet system that you have so unfairly been required to wear. (I’m sure you look gorgeous in it, so don’t worry)

We can adjust the settings on your bracelet so it will look to the authorities as if you’re safely and contritely at your home when you’re in fact out and about with Ray Hopewood. Yes Paris, come do some community service with Ray Hopewood, if you know what I mean.

This is just another example, and I hope the American people will notice, of Ray Hopewood and technology making our country better. Vote Ray Hopewood in ‘08

John-O Wants to Make Steve-O Ambassador to China

Ray and I didn’t have time to stop in at Walt and Kara’s "D" Conference last week — but we did buzz the Four Seasons in the jet on our way south for some much needed R&R. That was fun.  Heard later that John-O McCain quipped on stage that he’d make Steve-O Balmer Ambassador to China if elected (as if he’ll be elected). Bad idea. Both of those guys are wimps: John-O and Steve-O. Can’t have wimps dealing with China. What you need is Ray Hopewood.

Mitt Says He’ll Donate His Salary If Elected. That’s Dumb!

Mitt. He might look presidential. But he don’t think presidential. Do you really want a guy in office who says he’ll donate his presidential salary to charity. That’s just unAmerican. Vote for Capitalism. Vote Ray Hopewood in 2008. And if you’re somehow captured by Mitt’s Charity Fever, than click your little mouse over to the Ray Hopewood ‘08 online shop and buy yourself some Ray Hopewood gear. All monies will be donated directly to me!

Ray On Late Night TV