Ray Hopewood 2008

Hopewood gains ESAPAC Endorsement

The  Enterprise Software Alliance Political Action Committee, whose members include Microsoft, Symantac and McAfee, announced today their endorsement of Ray Hopewood for president. The announcement comes at a time when the race is tightening up only a week before the caucus.

The true meaning of Christmas

Christmas was very good to Ray Hopewood. But then again, every day is good when you’re Ray Hopewood.

At this time of the year, it’s important to take a step back from the rat race of politics and look at the things that really matter in the world – and those things are “money.” Oh, and dollars, because money and dollars together are “things” that matter, not “thing” – don’t talk to Ray Hopewood about grammar, I know my plurals.

Now some people think that the Holiday Season is about family. It is; it’s about what you can buy for your family. When you make the kind of money that I make, you can buy a lot, let me tell you. So to all of my loyal Hopewood Technologies customers, my son wants to thank you for the Lamborghini (he’s only 13, but I bought him two so he can practice and wreck one) and ex-Mrs. Hopewood #1 wants to thank you for that South Pacific island I got her. Haven’t heard from Ex-Mrs. Hopewoods 2-4, but I’m sure they’re enjoying their new G4s. Long as they don’t fly in for a visit then Christmas Rev.07 will be a huge success!

My Presidential rivals are all “back from Christmas break” and on the campaign trail. This is funny. They don’t know the secret to success, and that secret is “take time off.” Like my enterprise software company – I gave the support staff three weeks off for the Holidays. I outsource support to Kazakhstan, and while I’m not sure they actually celebrate Christmas because none of them speak English, they sure do enjoy those three weeks tending goats or whatever they do. Either way the customers will get by. It’s what Papa Hopewood called “tough love.” Creates self reliance! Like learning to swim – Papa took all us Hopewood kids over to the deep end of the lake and with one push we were swimming. Except Suzie, but that’s another story … Trust me, by the time my support staff (all four of them) get back from vacation, the customers will be ready to buy any upgrade we put in front of them. And that’s the kind of Christmas present that Ray Hopewood really loves. Keep your Partridge in a Pear Tree, I’ll take Upgrades! Five Golden rings aren’t bad …

So Ron, Hillary, Barak, Rudy, Mitt and Mike are out there busting their buns. Not Ray Hopewood! How silly. If I did that, I’d have to  listen to voters, which makes about as much sense as listening to customers. I know what they all want – why confuse the issue with the opinions of a few loud mouthed malcontents? I’m spending the next few weeks being productive! Working on my Facebook Page with my new campaign managers, Vanessa Hudgens and Fred Thompson (let’s face it, they both need new jobs). They are also working on getting me a date with Carla Bruni – why should that French President Sarkozy have all the fun? You got to have priorities! Besides, I don’t see why if you’re "running" for President you can’t walk a little too?

Tags: Barak Obama, Carla Bruni, Christmas, Fred Thompson, hillary clinton, Kazakhstan Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Ray Hopewood, Rudy Giuliani, Sarkozy, Vanessa Hudgens

Hopewood Campaign Tactics Raise Poll Numbers, Increase Sales

If there is one thing that can be said about Hopewood’s presidency, it  is that it will be efficient. Fellow Drudgereport readers may have picked up on this item, Man in Robot Costume Heckles Bill Clinton. Those with any familiarity to Hopewood, may have thought, “That must be Hopewood!” If so, they were right.

When a major Japanese robotics company CEO and Ray were on his yacht discussing ideas for how to best draw publicity for their upcoming partnership, Ray didn’t even hesitate to come up with ways to incorporate it into his campaign. This idea, of heckling the husband of Senator Clinton while drawing attention to this new deal was a perfect way to “let free two eagles with one key,” Hopewood said.

In a statement following up the event, Hopewood said, “When we first heard about our partner’s desire to
work with us, I was overjoyed. I had just watched Godzilla on Spike-not the original, of course, but the one with Matthew Broderick- and I couldn’t stop thinking about how great the Japanese are with their monsters crushing everything that gets in their way. In the same manner, we believe this partnership will allow us to
fully stomp over all our competitors, just as I will trounce my fellow candidates in the upcoming election.”

Ray Hopewood is All Energy

By J. Rarvel of the Hopewood Campaign Staff

The news media, in their usual manner, have been spinning this video clip of my boss and good friend Ray Hopewood in unseemly ways—saying that Ray Hopewood is focused only on profit.

It is a clip from an event for the software company Ray Hopewood runs and that bears his name—Hopewood Technologies.

I say it is this undeniable energy and passion that this country needs. See for yourself right here.

“What You Call Jehova, I Just Call Benjamin”: Hopewood Defends his Religion

By J. Rarvel, Hopewood Campaign Staff

Today Ray Hopewood took time out of his fundraising schedule to finally address concerns surrounding his faith. Throughout the campaign, Hopewood has not shied away from evoking his religion, dodging the advice of many political consultants who say his beliefs are too esoteric to be embraced by the American public. Hopewood finally put questions surrounding his faith to rest today by speaking at a Houston’s Steakhouse in San Francisco

Excerpts from his speech follow.

“My fellow God-fearing Americans, there is not but one door into the Kingdom of Heaven, What you call Yahweh or Jehova, or, perhaps even Allah, I just call Benjamin.

Money, my religion, has aided my actions and informed my decisions, much in the same way as it has yours.

Above all, my religion provides me moral guidance. Without Money showing me the way, I would have been stuck in the bushes of despair. Perhaps I would have been working for Peace Corps, or maybe wasting time in the armed forces.  I certainly wouldn’t be standing here today as a hyper-successful software tycoon who will be your next president.

“Center to this belief is the Hopewood Technologies software. It has showed me, and many others, the way to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. Never has this been more true than with, our most recent upgrade

of our Hopestar security platform, Hopestar 8.

“I hope we can finally put these questions aside, and focus on the grander issues facing our country today. And know that, it is only with the aid of my good Lord, that I will be elected to serve you.”